Toxic Shrooms, Fake Cheese, Shots in the Dark: The End is Nigh

I don’t own a cell phone.

I rarely answer the landline.

When it rings, Kathy picks up.

My friend Ronnie is calling.

I’m in my “office” in the basement, taking a break from my nerve-wracking work routine, relaxing as I check the latest videos on Voyeurs R Us – Russia Edition. Some of these Slavs are fascinating folks, possessed of an odd sense of appropriate public behavior.

Kathy yells down the stairwell.

“It’s Ron. Hurry. He says he has terrible news.” Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Sloth, Excuses, Dry Holes, Theater and Gravy

I’ve been remiss, not keeping this webpage current. I’ve received a good number of comments and complaints about my perceived torpor. I had no idea people paid attention to such things.

I admit I am easily distracted. As a frightfully myopic fat boy with ADD, I regularly ignored a grade school chalkboard I could barely see and directed my attention to a nearby window where, if I was lucky, I would sense the flutter of a pigeon, or turned to worship the delightful knees of Karen Broadhurst as I dropped my pencil for the tenth time in order to amplify my fantasies concerning the icon perched a desk away. I have not improved a whole lot over the years. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Pinheads, Rogue Cells, and the Blood of Virgins

When my life rolls along untroubled — like the brookie-rich meander of the Upper Taylor River back when I was a kid, before hordes from the lowlands swarmed Colorado to destroy Taylor Park and nearly everything else of value located a mile or more above sea level — I am resolutely agnostic.

When life surges disturbed — tumbling dirty and chaotic, a flash flood in a New Mexico arroyo — I quickly pivot to Episcopalian, of a sort.

When I pivot, I find myself in good and familiar company, and quickly set aside my hypocrisy. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Time To Change, Time For Success, With Little Time Left

I slump last week in the big leather chair in the living room, at the end of a long day of art-related agony. Beverage in hand I pontificate, reminding my grandsons of the fact their existence is fortuitous, not to be taken for granted and wasted.

“You know, boys, if a specific guy had ejaculated prematurely five thousand years ago, or a certain woman said ‘No, I have a headache’ two hundred years ago, you wouldn’t be here now. The fact that you exist is incredible, with no Bronze Age religious bullshit needed as an explanation. To sum up: a door is open, step through — anything you dream of accomplishing is within your reach. Dream big, lads. Go for it!” Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments